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High Performing Council ?

High Performing Councilcounterbalance generally doesn't publish the work of others, we offer our own views on the issues we report.

However, after the absolutely disgraceful Council meeting of Monday evening (report being prepared), the item below came to us via a friend of a friend, and although it's not all our view, we simply couldn't resist it.

We should point out that, although it refers to the Council, that body has been all but emasculated, and references to Council should really be read as "Cabinet and the ruling party that supports it".

The item came marked as copyright, and if we knew who it was from we would gladly have sought permission to use it. As it is, we hope the author will be content it receives airing.

The musical arrangement to accompany it is our own. If you want to hear the tune as you read, just click the link and it should play in your usual music player.

If you are offered the option of "open" or "play" or "save", choose open or play.


A High Performing Council
(to the tune of "The Battle Hymn of the Republic'')
Click the grey link above to hear the tune


We like to keep things tidy in the Borough of the Fylde
That's why offices at our place all are carpeted, not tiled
We can sweep away the problems and forget about them, child
And we'll keep ploughing on...

We're a high-performing council...
We're a high-performing council...
We're a high-performing council...
...'Cos there's nowt left here to do!


We've got a man who checks another man who checks a man
Who is checking on another man who doesn't have a plan
All the while the Council's services are going down the pan
But we'll keep ploughing on...

We're a high-performing council...
We're a high-performing council...
We're a high-performing council...
...'Cos there's nowt left here to do!


We've shipped off all our services for other folk to do
But we're keeping all the managers who haven't got a clue
And we've left our own taxpayers in a steaming pile of poo
And we keep ploughing on...

We're a high-performing council...
We're a high-performing council...
We're a high-performing council...
...'Cos there's nowt left here to do!


We've got a nice new company, but found it couldn't trade
Due to rules that have been known about for half of a decade
So a backward seaside donkey puts our genius in the shade
But we keep ploughing on...

We're a high-performing council...
We're a high-performing council...
We're a high-performing council...
...'Cos there's nowt left here to do!


People say that we're top-heavy, but we think they mean our mind
And they're saying that our vision isn't properly defined
And the reason is we've got our heads stuck up our own behind
But we'll keep ploughing on...

We're a high-performing council...
We're a high-performing council...
We're a high-performing council...
...'Cos there's nowt left here to do!


To cover overspending, we decided on a whim
That we'd close the public swimming bath, and let Fylde sink, not swim
Now our chances of survival at the ballot box are slim
But we'll keep ploughing on...

We're a high-performing council...
We're a high-performing council...
We're a high-performing council...
...'Cos there's nowt left here to do!


There was a robust battle plan to help address folk's fears
But the calls to save our services just fell upon deaf ears
And we cannot tell the difference twixt our elbows and our rears
And we keep ploughing on...

We're a high-performing council...
We're a high-performing council...
We're a high-performing council...
...'Cos there's nowt left here to do!


The real villains of this mess sit safe in ivory towers
Trying hard to think of things to fill their non-productive hours
Give me ten minutes with them in the un-used communal showers
I'll keep them ploughing on...

You're a shower of a council...
You're a shower of a council...
You're a shower of a council...
...'Cos there's nowt left here to do!


c Anon. March 2008

(for example the money he is spending speculatively with consultants, or by abandoning the town hall project which has so far cost around £400,000 in revenue spending on planning and architects fees and the like). Fylde's accounts, this item will be written off a contra-entry. there no real to Fylde at all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dated:  5 March 2008 


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